How to make a phone call

There are different kinds of people and then there’s the group that don’t know how to work a phone.

How can you call somebody and be telling the person to guess who you are? As what? Don’t you think if my guessing game was strong I would have put it to valuable use instead? Did someone say Nairabet?

I know some people still battle with this so i’mma drop some pointers (call me Benevolent!) . Here are some tips and tricks on how to make a call:

Do check the number you’re about to dial for errors so you don’t call the wrong person instead.

If  you do dial the wrong number and later realize your mistake, don’t just hangup. Apologize for the mixup. The least you can do is be courteous after accusing “Susan ” of throwing you away.

Please, stop asking someone you called to guess who you are even after they’ve asked to know who they’re speaking with (I really think playing Nairabet and it’s sister bets would be more pleasurable).

Have all your family meetings, neighbour squabble, animated gist (read gossip) with friends before or after a call. Don’t be talking to someone on the phone and 77 other people. I know people that do this and I don’t understand.

Tell someone when you’re about to put them on speaker. In my case, please don’t not tell me. I say this strictly for your own good. I won’t apologize for something I thought was for your ears only.

For the call recipient, if you can’t answer your phone for some reason, try to send a text so the person calling doesn’t have to call multiple times.

Caller, you sef chill na. How can you give someone 10 missed calls in 5 minutes? ( there are days I need to ask myself this)

Please recharge your phone. Forget it, 25 naira can’t take you far and you know it. Sly people, you’ll be forming “oh sorry I didn’t realize I didn’t have enough airtime”. Lie lie.

Don’t call someone with a private number and then keep quiet when the person answers. Are you the CIA? Am I in an action movie? Do I get to kiss Jason Statham??

Personally, don’t call me before 7 am. Google your problems.

Don’t just be talking on and on and on while the poor person at the other end struggles to get a word in except it’s a scolding because conversations don’t work that way.

If you know you’re in a noisy place, just text. I don’t believe I have to explain why.

I think these are enough for starters.

NB:(in the spirit of Sunday and truth) if you call me and it rings and I don’t answer, I don’t want to talk to you. My phone is always with me.