On becoming what exactly?

I didn’t want to say anything but now I find that I can’t help myself. What am I on about? Toke Makinwa aka Tokstarr.

So she wrote and recently published a book, a memoir of some sort that has sold 1000 copies in its first week. Good on her. I’m happy she’s cashing in, proud almost. My issue is the praise she has been getting for being a strong woman.

For those who haven’t read almost half of it on Instagram already, the book is mostly about her troubled relationship with her ex-husband, Maje. There’s a part about how her parents died from burns in a fire accident. I cannot tell someone how to write her story but I can say what I feel about how she chose to tell her story.

I don’t understand the chants of “toke you’re so strong to have gone through all of that” , “Maje is a beast” and bla bla bla. What the hell is strong about staying in an emotionally draining relationship for 12 years, KNOWING that you’re being cheated on, having your husband to be not inform his family of an Introduction ceremony you guys fixed the date since Lord knows when, being stood up at the registry more than once, going through all this shit and still marrying him? Where’s the strength?

What makes it even sadder is the number of women that can relate to this dysfunctionality, this need to suffer so much in the name of love and fear of what people will say, this silly stupid belief that you can love people into loving you.

You want to know what I call strength? Choosing your damn self! How can a smart young lady keep herself as a doormat? How? That’s not strength, that’s weakness. I almost feel like she didn’t believe she deserved better.

Another issue I have with the book is blaming everything on other people and situations; the death of her parents, Maje, Anita, anyone not Toke. Take some responsibility Madam. Sometimes things don’t just happen to us, we let them.

Anyways, the book will sell because Nigerians like gossip and this is where I gave her a mental hi-five, monetize that shit girl. With the way peeps were /are interested, it’s only right they should invest in it.

Hold your 8,000 naira investment fee and satisfy your curiosity about someone else’s below intelligent relationship decisions.

PS: if I had a friend like Toke and I’ve advised her to leave that nonsense called relationship and she didn’t listen, I’d leave her. Such negative energy!

PPS: I’m really sorry I’ve been away for so long, I have plenty excuses that I’ll just swallow right now. I’m very very very sorry. Friends?